Tuesday, September 29, 2009

So... What would you change and when?

If you were granted the wish of going back in time, how far back would you go?  Once back to that time, what would you change?

Answering the first part is difficult.  Do you know when something happened that would have changed your life's journey?  At what point in your life can you say "If I had gone 'left' there instead of 'right' my life would be better." And how do you know that it would be better?  How do you know it wouldn't have taken you down an even uglier road than what you think you are already on.

I'm sure that this next comment will sound egotistical and self-centered, but I need to say it.  Why do I feel like I always have to give, give, give even though I don't get the same in return?  Turning this back to my original question, what would I do to change this?  Who would I choose not to help?  What would I choose not to do?

I'm just feeling very taken for granted in many different areas of my life and I'm trying to look back in my life and see what I did wrong to deserve the cards I've been dealt.  I know the old saying, but IT JUST AIN'T FAIR!!!

Life is really tough.

Friday, September 25, 2009


Once again, I want to tell you, yesterday was not an issue. I realize you may have to stay sometimes and there may be times when you'll have to wait for me. Just let me know how long you think you might be and I'll do other things like I did yesterday.

Now, this morning.... that's a different story...

First of all, I want you to know that I feel like I'm risking a lot by even sending you this email, but I HAVE to say something or its going to eat at me all day.

Is there something wrong between us because YOU WERE AN A@@ this morning! I think you totally over-reacted to me not following what you thought you had told me. As I TRIED to say in the CONVERSATION, when you FIRST said D was having a meeting with the principal there was no mention of the security video! It wasn't until later, when you said S had met with the principal and you said HE had reviewed it, that the video even came up. You didn't say anything about S being allowed to look at it, so I was not assuming that D was going to get to see it either without being insistent. However, you got pissed off, didn't let me finish my thoughts and the conversation ended right there.

And by the way... that was not the first time you've done something like to me but I've let it go. However, I'm tired of it. You made me feel like an imbecile. I haven't spoken up in the past because I was afraid of you shutting me out. I didn't feel like it was worth it. But I can't let you do that to me anymore. I'm making myself miserable because I'm afraid of losing your friendship. That's not healthy, even though I "hate you" but this morning I was feeling that in the true sense of the word and I don't want us to ever get to that point.

So, now that I've probably just thrown our friendship in front of steaming locomotive, I'll let you get back to work.

Have a good day.


Friday, September 18, 2009

What to do...

I had an appointment with my Doctor on Monday.  It was that dreaded ANNUAL EXAM thing.  I not only was dreading that, but also beating myself up about my weight and my blood pressure.  My pressure has been running high for over year now.  Of course, that is affected by my weight... hmmmm... imagine that.

She didn't make me feel as bad as I was thinking she would.  However, she did give me a few things to think about. 
  2. Get up and move.
  3. Watch what I eat.
#1 is the hardest one for me.  I'm very insecure and while no one will believe it, I more easily see the negative in myself that I do the positive. 

So, I've got some thinking to do.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I don' t know that I even want to go to the trouble of writing anything to support that statement. Just know that I truly feel like life sucks. LIFE SUCKS! life sucks! LIFE SUCKS!!!

I'm not even going to start listing reasons... I'll never finish.